Sixth Encounter  
 
Dr. Maly Danino - presents
 Sixth Encounter - To What Do I Say “yes” and  to What Do I Say “No”?    

06

 

  Opening and Correlation with the Previous Encounter  

 

In each encounter with the parent in training we will connect to the here and now. The parent arrives after a week in which things happen in his life. He can have new insights on the process he undergoes that he would like to share. May be there was a significant event he would like to share before we begin the encounter?

The coach will summarize the significant issues that came up at the last encounter.  There may be a need to revisit an issue that came up in the previous encounter and continue to explore it in-depth.

 

  Examination of the Home Mission  

At the start of the encounter we will inquire with the parent-in-training about the home mission he received during the previous encounter, and ask if he was able to conduct a dialogue with his child about his strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, fears and the threats he perceives.

 

  The parent did conduct a dialogue with his child about the empowerment model

We will ask the parent-in-training to tell us the success story his child shared with him, and the consequent conversation they conducted thereafter.

 

  Analysis of the child’s success story  

We will ask:

Was the child aware of his strengths and weaknesses?

Despite the success, could the child discuss his fears?

The threats that affect him?

And, the opportunities vested in the challenge he is facing?

 

  Analysis of the differences between parent and child’s viewpoints  

The coach will examine with the parent-in-training the differences between the various components of the empowerment model:  as they were experienced by the parent-in-training, and as they were experienced by the child.

 

  The parent did not conduct a dialogue with his child about the empowerment model  

When the parent-in-training is unable to conduct a dialogue with his child, the coach will endeavor to ascertain the reasons for it.

 

  Ascertaining reasons  

It may be that the lack of implementation is caused by technical issues.

It is also possible that the parent-in-training came across a mission that, though it appeared simple, he found difficult to execute.

Often, the parent-in training feels the he needs additional coaching and exercise.

 

  Mapping out the model by reconstructing a successful event from the past  

We will ask him to reconstruct a successful encounter he has had with his child in the past. We will map out, with the assistance of that account, the strengths and abilities of his child.

 

  Dialogue exercise by role playing:  Parent = Child / Coach= Parent

  Sending the parent back to perform the previous home mission  

We will assist the parent to map out other dimensions of the empowerment model, relating to weaknesses, fears, threats and opportunities of his child while he is sitting in his child’s chair.

 

  Training Goal Revisited (Improvement Session)  

Since now he understands the strengths and weaknesses of his child, is aware of his fears and the threats he perceives, and acts from a place where he is better able to identify opportunities and maximize his activities.

  Utilizing the Circle of Values to focus on the parent’s value system  

We will ask the parent to ponder, what the seven most significant values are in his eyes, and then write them in the Circle of Values.

We will assist the parent-in-training in identifying his behavioral patterns and the values by which he conducts himself.  We will ask:

What are the values most important for you?

 

  Selection of the values the parent considers most significant  

 

Of the seven, we will ask the parent to mark the two he considers the most important, and to describe an event in his life where one or both values found expression in a meaningful manner.

 

  What do I say “Yes” to and what do I say “No” to?  

Ask the parent-in-training to tell you about situations of dealing with his child. Examine what he said “Yes” to and what he said “No” to in his reactions. 

The parent-in-training does not need to tell a particularly dramatic account of a struggle; indeed, a typical, everyday story would be preferable.

 

  An exercise in analyzing additional interactions  

When I demand that my child do his homework immediately upon his return from school:

I say Yes to my responsibility as a parent, and affirm that I want my child to grow into an adult who lives by society’s expectation and norms.

I say No to my empathy, to bestowing responsibility on child, to freedom of choice, and to his growing as a responsible adult.

 

  Value Assessment Examination of the source of these values   

We will ask the parent-in-training: What is the source of these values? Do the values dictate to you a black and white course of conduct – or is there room for seeing all the colors of the rainbow?

 

  Observing the child’s values   

We will ask him, What do you think the child thinks/feels?

It is crucial to convey to him that the child, too, has his own values, which are affected by his environment and his peer group.  During certain ages the peer group often has greater influence over the child than his parents.

Examination of the parent’s important values as regards the education of his child

We will ask the parent-in-training: 

What, in your eyes, are the essential values when it comes to educating your child?

We will ask the parent-in-training to choose the two most important values to him. If he did not choose them previously, he may now add them to the Circle of Values.

We will then ask him to describe an event in his in which one or both of those values had a significant effect.

 

  Examination of the parent’s important values as regards the education of his child   

We will ask the parent-in-training: 

What, in your eyes, are the essential values when it comes to educating your child?

We will ask the parent-in-training to choose the two most important values to him. If he did not choose them previously, he may now add them to the Circle of Values.

We will then ask him to describe an event in his in which one or both of those values had a significant effect.

 

  What do I say “Yes” to and what do I say “No” to?   

We now will ask the parent-in-training: 

When you relate to these values, which one do you say “Yes” to and which one do you say “No” to?

 

  Examination of the association between the professed significant values of the parent   

From the list of values to which you say “Yes”, which one is the most significant for you? And from the list of values to which you say “No”, which one is the most significant for you?

This is our opportunity to ascertain what association exists among these significant values; to what degree they assist him; and to what extent they form an inefficient pattern, causing him to exhibit undesired behavior.

 

  Home Mission:  Analysis of Additional Situations   

We will ask the parent-in-training to write down during the week at least two additional and different situations, in which he had interactions with his child; add them to the table and draft: the description of the situation, how he reacted, what he said “Yes” to and to what did he say “No”.

 

  Summing up the Encounter   

During the last few minutes of the encounter the parent-in-training will answer the following questions:

What are your insights as a result of the encounter?

Did anything strike you as particularly significant during the encounter?

Is there any specific question you think I should have asked but didn’t?

Is there anything you would have done differently?

Is there anything at all that you’d like to add?

Sixth Encounter

 

  Video text - Sixth Encounter   

In Chapter 6 we compare the child's empowerment model, as observed by him, with that of the parent when asked what your child's strengths are. What are the weaknesses? What are the threats, what are the fears? And what are the opportunities?

The comparison provides us with important information as to how the child perceives himself and how the parent perceives him. This is an opportunity to find out where the gap stems from and how much we project onto our child our perceptions, our worries, our fears, and more.

In the second part of the chapter we will become familiar with the important values ​​that guide the parent and sometimes manage him as a serious judge. The parent learns that when it comes to values, when he says "yes" to a certain value, he simultaneously says "no" to another value, and the conflict between values ​​is inevitable.

  • YouTube Social  Icon
  • Facebook Social Icon

ADDRESS

Headquarter

Nitzan Association

72 Pinhas Rosen St. Tel-Aviv 6951295, ISRAEL

nitzan@nitzancenter.org

Lithuania

info@nitzancenter.org

© 2017 Proudly created by Etia Shtadler.