Susan Gale - Mother & Coach
How did the E.C.C – Emotional Cognitive Coaching method changed the lives of parents to children with ADHD within three months.
E.C.C - is a breakthrough method developed for parents of children with ADHD, focusing on parents rather than their children, and managed to change the lives of hundreds of families
We met with Tamar, who came to the parents’ coaching desperate and exhausted. No attempt to help Maya, her 8 year old daughter with ADHD, has succeeded and the day-to-day life at home became a nightmare. Within 3 months of coaching it all changed.
Tamar, what brought you to coaching?
“Nothing helped, I was helpless, desperate and exhausted. I did not know what to do and looked for solutions – I asked around, consulted with people, experienced different things – but the situation hasn’t improved. Life at home became tense and troublesome. Maya always came home from school feeling frustration, crying and irritated with temper tantrums that lasted at least two hours every day, and included violence on her side, including towards her little sister. I felt I was losing control.
One evening, after everyone went to bed, I set by the computer and surfed the internet. That’s how I first heard about Nitzan Association parents coaching. I approached them out of a total despair, after trying EVERYTHING – psychological therapy, couples therapy, parents’ guidance.”
What was different in the coaching process in relation to other kinds of therapies you experienced before?
“It was the first time someone has told me – now we are taking care of you, not Maya” she explains. “Up until then the focus was always on Maya, but when I understood that I am the one that is getting coaching it was a big relieve.
We kept feeling as if we were doing things wrong, ‘not good enough’ parents who are not capable of helping Maya deal with her problems.
After meeting with the coach in Nitzan Association once a week for 3 months, a dramatic transformation has occurred in the life of myself and my family. She just ‘picked me up from the floor’ and ‘put me back together’ again. Coaching strengthen me and gave me lots of tools. Today I know that I can find an answer to everything. No one else solves my problems or criticizes me on the way I handle these problems. This is very reinforcing, a great support for me. In coaching I realized that I have to step aside and let Maya handle her problem by herself. She needs to do her work herself, to discover her way to do homework. My role is to support and assist when needed. At first it stressed me out, I admit. It was very hard for me to let go. On one hand, I always worry that she will fail and have a hard time. On the other hand, I know she is a smart talented girl and she’ll do well, and mostly – that it HAS to come from her, not from me. Whether she fails or succeeds – it’s hers, not mine. I have to separate. I always mixed the two worlds wanting to protect her, but coaching made me realize that it doesn’t really strengthen Maya, it weakens her.”
How has the process you went through influence Maya?
“The process influenced her immensely. Everything I described so far decreased substantially. Maya is way less violent. If she cries she calms down after 10 minutes and solves the matter by herself. The whole coaching process I went through influenced her positively at school, and home and overall. It’s simply a different world.”
And how did the coaching process influence you in other areas?
“I have different values in life that are important to me – modesty, respect, love. It is important for me to assimilate these values in my kids. Only at coaching I found the right language to “talk” these values. It was really like learning to talk all over again. The minute the language changes the communication channels open. Same with my husband and the girls. When I was critical, and I was very critical before, it was unpleasant and they became defensive. I am married to my husband for 15 years, and since I am in coaching for the first time ever I can say that our relationships are great – in conversations, communication, and openness. We talk during the day and he consults with me. It is very exciting.”
What do you need today?
It’s always fun when there is someone to talk to and consult with, but what is amazing in the coaching process is that it is assimilated in you, and in time the insights only deepen. The coaching is assimilated in me today, I know I have the tools. I also have my journey notebook that goes with me, and once in a while I peek in it to remember and get stronger.”
"I see Inbal working at a large studio and she is sculpting; many materials all around her. She is thirty, wearing jeans and an undershirt, and there are several other individuals in the studio around her. These are customers who are examining the artwork, considering what they should buy, and there are some workers around, as well. She is so very content, and is giving instructions to the crew she employs.
She is treating her employees kindly and respectfully. I come to visit her at the studio and she greets me."