Dr. Maly Danino - presents
Ninth - Eleventh Encounters - Training in The Gym
Opening and Correlation with the Previous Encounter
In each encounter with the parent in training we will connect to the here and now. The parent arrives after a week in which things happen in his life. He can have new insights on the process he undergoes that he would like to share. May be there was a significant event he would like to share before we begin the encounter?
The coach will summarize the significant issues that came up at the last encounter. There may be a need to revisit an issue that came up in the previous encounter and continue to explore it in-depth.
Detailed description: how did the parent function?
The parent-in-training performed the mission successfully
We will ask the parent-in-training to describe in precise details how he performed the mission. We will listen to the description of the performance, reinforce him and compliment him for the progress he has made. We will ask him to to reiterate his commitment; that is, the guiding principle for constructing and performing the missions.
We will relate to every improvement – even the most minute he was able to accomplish – as if we had discovered a treasure. Occasionally, parents-in-training discount the little successes and fail to see the potential they embody. Thus, the “wow factor” by the coach underscores the ‘small’ detail the parent had overlooked and reflects to him the skill of observation, and discovery of the little accomplishments and the development of a positive approach, which eventually will lead to the ultimate goal expected.
The parent-in-training performed the mission but was unsuccessful
Performance of the mission is not only measured by its success. It is also measured by the efforts the parent-in-training made and the insights he produces therefrom, which will serve him in planning the next one.
We will ask the parent:
Despite the hardship you have experienced, what message have you conveyed to your child?
What have you gained from the experience?
Emphasizing positive and empowering the parent
Even if he comes back with a bitter feeling, with a sense of failure, the coach will place an emphasis and illuminate the good parts, the successful ones, in order to empower the parent and infuse in him strength so that he will not get discouraged and still be motivated to go on and to try again.
We will ask the parent:
Was it really all purely a negative experience, or are there any positive aspects you can point out?
The parent-in-training did not perform the mission
Ascertaining the reasons
If the parent-in-training did not perform the mission we will attempt to determine, in our discussion with him, the reasons that prevented him from its performance.
We will utilize for that purpose missions he had performed in the past and analyze them in order to draw new insights, which could serve us in future missions
Reconstruct past missions
We will utilize for that purpose missions he had performed in the past and analyze them in order to draw new insights, which could serve us in future missions.
Analysis and summary of the results
Every mission, from which the parent-in-training returns, will be analyzed and summed up in accord with the result test – meaning, that the various aspects of the mission will be mapped according to the following criteria:
Description of the mission
Future picture: How do I see my child in the future?
Awareness of strengths and weaknesses (The empowerment model)
Values: What do I say “Yes” to and what do I say “No”?
Assessing accrued learning
In order to advance the process, the coach and the parent-in-training will examine the extent of learning accomplished from one mission to the next, by asking the following questions:
How did you function previously, and how do you function now? What are you doing differently?
Is there a difference, and if so, what is it?
How do you explain the difference?
What insights are you taking with you to the next mission?
Planning a new mission
At the end of each mission, the coach should ask the parent-in-training what , to his mind, should be the next mission. Together, they will process the choice of the new mission and its construction.
The home mission:
The coach will ask the parent-in-training to get underway with another mission, at the end of which he should ask his child the following questions:
Mission performance and its documentation
We will ask the parent to document all that had transpired in that process and bring with him the documentation to the next encounter.
We will ask the following questions:
Describe the mission and how you have performed
Who did you choose to participate in the mission?
Who assisted you?
How did the mission help with the manifestation of the future picture?
Ascertaining the child’s satisfaction
We will ask the following questions:
Did you enjoy doing what we did today?
What did you enjoy? What did you like in particular?
If we were to do this mission again, what would you like to repeat and what would you have changed?
Summing up the encounter
During the last few minutes of the encounter the parent-in-training will answer the following questions:
What are your insights as a result of the encounter?
Did anything strike you as particularly significant during the encounter?
Is there any specific question you think I should have asked but didn’t?
Is there anything you would have done differently?
Is there anything at all that you’d like to add?
Ninth - Eleventh Encounters
Feedback for the Coach
In order for the coach to best prepare himself for summing things up for the parent-in-training at the final encounter, he should write down his reflections regarding the process he has been through, and also answer the following questions:
What did you experience during the training process?
What insights have you gained from the process?
How did the parent-in-training affect you?
What are you taking with you from this training process to the next?
Video text - Ninth - Eleventh Encounters
In chapters 9, 10, and 11, we are in the "gym."
These three sessions are training sessions designed to assess the tasks performed and to create a learning curve from task to task.
As in a regular gym, we develop the "limp" muscles and strengthen them so that the behavior becomes a way of life. The parent learns to do some kind of processing of his or her child's behavior, while constantly maintaining focus on and not deviating from the goal.
Every time the parent comes back from the task we analyze together:
what worked? What worked less? What were the difficulties (if any)?
How did the child respond to the task?
And what was his feeling as a parent after the mission?