Opening and Correlation with the Previous Encounter
In each encounter with the parent in training we will connect to the here and now. The parent arrives after a week in which things happen in his life. He can have new insights on the process he undergoes that he would like to share. May be there was a significant event he would like to share before we begin the encounter?
The coach will summarize the significant issues that came up at the last encounter. There may be a need to revisit an issue that came up in the previous encounter and continue to explore it in-depth.
Review of the Process to Date
The three encounters till now dealt with various subjects: During the first, the parent-in-training arrived aiming to deal with his child’s difficulties. In the second, we dealt with the future vision of the child, which allows the parent-in-training to have perspective in time which helps him define his goal. The third encounter is where the parent-in-training added his child’s point of view to the training goal, by way of dialogue, attentiveness and closeness-enhancing communication.
Analysis of the Chosen Objective
The chosen objective does not constitute the final goal of the parent-in-training; however, it elucidates the way he would function as a rule. Accordingly, we will ask:
How did you conduct yourself?
What has served to assist you?
What has served to promote your undertaking?
What has blocked you?
What is it that you want to achieve?
Redefining and Refocusing the Training Goal
The training goal cannot be too general; there is a need for concrete examples to demonstrate why it, specifically, was picked by the parent. This is an opportunity to return to the chosen objective and enable the parent-in-training to observe the specific difficulty in a wider context.
Training Goal's Transition from External to Internal Focus
It this encounter, we seek to transition control from an externally focused (depending on others) to an internal one (depending on oneself). This occurs as the parent-in-training observes his behavioral patterns and explores his own inner realm. We will inquire:
What is that you have to do differently now in order to accomplish the objective you have chosen?
In Depth Understanding of the Internal Training Goal
This encounter is the continuation of the process where the parent-in-training redefines his initial training goal, the one that brought him to seek training. The coach works with the parent-in-training and assists him to center on an internal training goal, and to figure out how he can form new behavioral patterns.
It is hard for the parent-in-training to identify the pattern that affects a block in his life, and to explain where else he encounters it – apart from his interaction with his child.
The coach, therefore, ought to take the parent out of the enclosed training room and place him in a setting of his daily activity by asking:
This difficulty that came up in your interaction with your child – where else do you run into it is your daily life?
The Home Mission: Reflective Process for the Parent-in-Training
Think about the process you went through in this training encounter and answer the following question:
Is there something new you have learned about yourself today? Please explain.
Where do you come across what you have learned (in this encounter) in other areas of your life (work, family life, socially, etc.)?
Summing up the Encounter
During the last few minutes of the encounter the parent-in-training will answer a set of questions as follows:
What are your insights as a result of the encounter?
Did anything strike you as particularly significant during the encounter?
Is there any specific question you think I should have asked but didn’t?
Is there anything you would have done differently?
Is there anything at all that you’d like to add?
Video text - Fourth Encounter
The fourth chapter is a very important chapter in the coaching process. It is the core of the training. This is the chapter dealing with refining the training goal.
The parent came with a clear goal for the training process, but it is possible that as a result of the process, he will change or see another angle. For example, the parent has come because his child is not investing in his studies. He wants to learn how to do what's best but finds out that what really matters to her is his relationship with his child.
In this chapter the parent will go through formulating the external training goal, in terms of what should happen. What change should happen to my child? Then the parent will go through formulating an internal training goal, to represent the intended change that she needs to make in order to generate the desired change in his child.