"The processes I experienced during my studies caused significant changes in my behavior, as a mother and as a professional. My communication became close and the listening was acute and focused ..."
Dr. Haya Aminadav (Senior Rehabilitation Psychologist) talks about the uniqueness of the training process in parent coaching, her experiences as a mother and as a psychologist who has been involved in treatment and diagnosis for many years.
"For many years I have been learning, teaching and experiencing diverse therapeutic intervention processes. Learning as a professional, and my experience as a mother in the training process, has given me a 'different' experience at the levels of emotion, thinking and behavior.
When I was asked to set a goal with which I set out in the coaching process, I felt I was embarking on a journey where there are clear and defined stages, which include tasks that require doing. The coach with me, giving me a guiding hand and a shoulder to lean on, which immediately gave me a sense of confidence, encouraged me to cooperate and made me want to continue on this not-so-simple journey.
Before I started the process, when I noticed distress in my adult son, I used to respond immediately as a "caring mother" flooding with questions: "What happened? Why? How? What can I do ...?" Being the "expert psychologist", I added questions like: "How do you feel? Have you ever felt this way ...?" Many of his behaviors were accompanied by interpretations, theories, and my attempts to "explain" to him what was going on and recommend what to do.
I “fussed” a lot around him and heard what he said. Already in the first session of the coaching process, I realized that I did not really listen. I ran ahead with my hypotheses without verifying them, without really listening to him. This is probably what I have been doing for many years. And he did not say a word during those years, did not try to put me in his place, only continued to be miserable and listen to my “lectures”.
I returned home from the meeting, with the word "listening" echoing loudly in me. That evening I listened to him for a long time, I just listened, I did not speak. He told me fluently what was bothering him, what was blocking him. I left the room feeling bad because I did not listen to my child for years. The next day, before I went to work, I wrote the word "listening," with an indelible pen, on my palm. I asked myself already at this point, am I not listening to the other family members as well? Am I listening to my patients?
During the following sessions in the training process, I realized that this time it was going to be different ... I began to behave differently as a mother, both in the level of thinking and in the level of reactions. Familiar concepts have acquired a focused and special meaning.
At one of the sessions I was asked to look ahead and see a picture of my child in the future. The picture I saw was gloomy and shocked me. I realized that I see no strengths but difficulties, and a future in which there is not a shred of optimism. When I did with him the picture of his future, as he sees it, we got a mirror image for my picture. The insight I came to was formative for me, I understood how I directly affect the course of his life, the building of his self-image and the perception of abilities and difficulties. This insight caused me to change the goal focus you set out on. I moved on to focus on myself and realized that I was the one who needed to make the dramatic change, start believing in his powers, in his high intelligence, in his amazing insights, despite the significant difficulties.
The second “future picture” I envisioned after several months has changed beyond recognition. I saw him as a man and not as a child, different and able...
The processes I experienced during my studies caused significant changes in my behavior, as a mother and as a professional. My communication has become closer and my listening is focused and sharp. I have learned to observe and understand the values that guide my life, to what do I say "yes" and to what I say "no". The process I went through allowed me to “release” my child and give him his place as an adult man. The more I let go, the more I allowed him to develop independence and take full responsibility for his life. To my surprise the change was rapid and allowed both of us to evolve.
As a mother I grew up with my child, even at my advanced age I was able to re-learn important parenting skills. I continue to train tired and a bit degenerate muscles ... As a psychologist I have learned the tremendous importance of working systematically with clear and achievable goals.
I gained another communication with my son; I learned to listen in a way that encouraged him to share with me. In addition to the connection between us became better, I also gave him a gift for life. I highly recommend to every parent to give this gift to himself and his child.
"Thanks to the processes I experienced during the coaching process, I walk step by step and gain insights, while constantly working on a clear path, which leaves me with no doubt that I am on the right path."