Dr. Maly Danino - presents
First Encounter - Getting Acquainted
Getting to know each other/mutual acquaintance
This encounter allows initial contact and a mutual introduction between the parent who is about to be trained and the coach. Sometimes, at the start of the encounter, the parent-in-training might find it difficult to express himself. It is, however, essential to enable him to form a free flow in expressing himself, without directing him.
Ascertaining the child's main challenge
We will ask the parent-in-training:
What is your child's main challenge, the one that made you come here for training?
We can assume that his answer will come out gushing in a rapid-fire mode, and that he will describe the great many difficulties that flood him at present.
The coach's role at this stage is to be present as the parent-in-training goes through his pain and frustration – and not to try and comfort him with such statements as: "It'll be all right …"
Determining the reasons bringing the parent to opt for training
We will ask leading questions, whose purpose is to clarify and refine the underlying reasons leading the parent-in-training to seek training in the first place. We could do it through the following query:
What are the reasons that brought you to seek training?
Discerning the parent's expectation from the process
We will ask the parent:
What are your expectations of the training process you are about to undergo?
for yourself and for your child
Defining initial training goal
There are parents-in-training who, due to the many difficulties they are facing, might be at a loss as to where to begin. Because they arrive over-saturated, they will find it hard to isolate a single thread from the tapestry of hardships, or alternatively, they might find it difficult to distinguish between the core issue and its various expressions.
We would ask the parent-in-training:
Of all that you have told us, what is the goal that you would like to achieve as a result of this training process, which would assist you in handling the main challenge you have delineated?
We then will write the goal, as it was described by the parent-in-training in his own words, which will serve as raw material for the coach, and which will assist him to shift to a more advanced stage in the process down the road. It is the proverbial tip of the iceberg, and it will be required, during the subsequent encounters, to go deeper and deeper in order to reach the core. The training target will undergo transformation later on, as the coach and parent-in- training further refine it and proceed to crystallize it along the way.
Forming the training contract
The training contract is the start of a covenant, of a relationship in which both sides desire its success. Acceptance of the contract by both the coach and the parent-in-training is actually the expression of assent to committing oneself to a long term relationship. The training relationship is akin to charging a battery, a place where the parent-in-training gets connected to a source of energy, till it will serve to enable him to overcome obstacles in his life. He will not be able to function when his energy level is low, thus charging his batteries is vital. The empowerment does not come directly from the coach, but from the relationship that the two build between themselves.
Within the contract framework, the coach explains to the parent-in-training that he is committing himself to utter sincerity and authenticity in his future interaction with the parent-in-training.
In order to form a binding dialogue with the parent- in-training, the coach will repeat and emphasize the main tenets written in the contract.
Mission at home: Documentation in the journey diary
We will ask the parent-in-training to document his thoughts, contemplations, frustrations, and insights during the following week. To do that, we will ask him to write a "journey diary" in a notebook that will be especially dedicated for that purpose and accompany him along the training process.
Summing up the encounter
During the final moments of the encounter, the parent-in-training will answer a set of questions, entitled: Summation Inquiries for the Parent-in- Training, as follows:
What are your insights as a result of the encounter?
Did anything strike you as particularly significant during the encounter?
Is there any specific question you think I should have asked but didn't?
Is there anything you would have done differently?
Is there anything at all that you'd like to add?
Video text - First Encounter
I am very excited to be here with you to go over the first lesson. I wish I could meet each and every one of you! But in our technologically advanced world, where the desire is to quickly extend our reach to as many professionals as possible, we can open additional communication lines. This is what stands behind this program, to bring the good news to as many parents as possible, worldwide.
The program consists of 12 lessons divided into three main parts: The first part is the emotional world; the second part invites insights into the reality we face, and in the third part we practice and apply what we have learned in the first two parts, now stronger and more capable with resources that serve us better.
Scientific studies show that the method works. So let's go hand in hand. Give me the confidence that we will reach a safe haven, following hundreds of professionals in Israel and abroad that have taken this path, and hundreds of parents that have gone through the process.
The first lesson is the meeting with the parent. It is important that we introduce ourselves to the parent and tell them our years of professional experience. This is a meeting of acquaintances whose nature we want to design right from the start. It is an open-minded dialogue with free communication; with empathy and endless compassion, without judgment or criticism.
Imagine the parent in front of you has come to you hurt and full of worries, with feelings of guilt and criticism that are sometimes disregarded by those closest to them. He or she feels they have failed but cannot do anything about it. They need our support most of all. Try to embrace the parent with a look, listening, careful intervention, and the real desire to understand his or her feelings.
You have two questions in this encounter:
What are your child's difficulties? How do they come into play?
What are your difficulties with your child? Where do these difficulties meet you as a parent?
The parent will define what he wants to achieve in the training process, why he came. For example: I want a good relationship with my child; I want to know I'm working correctly; I want my child to develop independence, and so on...
So if you have conducted this conversation for over an hour and are left with a sense of connection and trust, that means you have succeeded in the first meeting.